In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
