my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
