I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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