i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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