I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
