I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
