when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
