He kissed a someone with a penis
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
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