i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
