I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
