2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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