batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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