Umm I'm too high to move.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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