Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
