She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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