you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
