i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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