i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
