i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
