I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
