dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
