I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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