Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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