I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
