ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
