I think I just saw someone hide a body.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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