Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize