What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
