Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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