we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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