I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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