I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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