I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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