Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
