this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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