I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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