high people should be assigned attendants
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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