How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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