ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
