so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
