haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
