Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
