i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
