not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
