so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
