I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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