i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There r osticjed everywhere
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
