He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
