i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
