I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
