you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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