You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
