i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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