So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
