Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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