Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
