so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
