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Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
