Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
