I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
