why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
