apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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