My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
