were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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