Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
