he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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