I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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