if only i could text you this smell
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
