just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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