Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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