My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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