Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
