omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I had to cum in my sink.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
