last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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