No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
