Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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