I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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